The CEO must decide who swims

Says Maigread Eichten, president and chief executive of FRS, a maker of energy drinks. I love one particular statement in her interview with the New York Times: “I feel like I’m a judge, … which is that my job is not to make everybody happy. My job is to chart the right course and, at the end of the day, I leave this building and if I feel like I’ve done the right thing and people respect me, I’m happy. But on any day someone is probably unhappy with a decision that I made in the day, and that’s the best I can do.”

I realize many women leaders in our modern day and age are still being penalized for our gender. We are still fighting to find the balance between work and family, and the balance between our emotions and our rationality.

I do not understand why we have to be made so apologetic about our innate DNA.

While watching “Fringe“, I was watching a very familiar scenario. Agent Olivia Dunham was reprimanded by her superior, who claimed that she was being too emotionally involved with a particular case and it was clouding her judgement. She initially accepted the comment and probably had some moments of apologetic punches internally. But when she finally collected her thoughts, her response was fabulous:

“Yes I am emotionally involved with this case, but that is what makes me so good at my job and I am not about to change the way I do it.”

It is true that women leaders have their strengths because of their emotions. Their ability to relate and to empathize should not be undermined. Neither should we undermine ourselves for that matter. There should be nothing to apologize for being passionate for what you do. You cannot make everyone love the decision you make. You cannot make everyone agree with your point of view. The thing is, you’re there to lead and chart the path, not be the prom queen. Popularity does not mean good leadership. It just mean good showmanship.

At the end of the day, what you really want to achieve is to make sure those whom you lead get a piece of the greener pastures and the clear blue skies.

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August 23, 2009

Corner Office

This interview of Maigread Eichten, president and chief executive of FRS, a maker of energy drinks, was conducted and condensed by Adam Bryant.

Q. When did you first learn how to lead people?

A. You’re really taking me back. I was a lifeguard and a swim coach at a pool in the Walnut Creek area outside of San Francisco. The hardest thing about being a swim coach in a somewhat affluent area is that all the parents want their kids to swim on the team, of course, and to swim every event. And while you want to win, you also want to make sure all the kids get to swim. So there’s this balance.

I was 17 and you’ve got these parents screaming at you every weekend — “How come Johnny didn’t get to swim?” and “He’s better than Sally.” — and you’re going back and forth on this every week: Do I want to win or do I want to swim all the kids, and the kids are looking at you and the parents are screaming at you.

That experience is very similar to many days how I feel here. I feel like I’m a judge, and I use that mental image a lot, which is that my job is not to make everybody happy. My job is to chart the right course and, at the end of the day, I leave this building and if I feel like I’ve done the right thing and people respect me, I’m happy. But on any day someone is probably unhappy with a decision that I made in the day, and that’s the best I can do.

It’s the same thing with the swim team. Mr. Smith is probably mad that I didn’t swim his daughter, and sometimes I have to look at little Jane and say, “You know what, you’re not going to swim the 100 fly today, sorry.” It’s a team sport.

Q. It sounds like good training for dealing with all the stakeholders in a company.

A. It’s a balance. You’ve got the board, you’ve got investors, you’ve got employees, you’ve got the press, you’ve got consumers, you’ve got retailers. It’s the hardest thing, which I didn’t expect, about being C.E.O. You’re a judge, and you cannot make everyone happy. It is impossible. It’s the same thing with parenting.

Q. Talk about how you give feedback to employees.

A. One of the most memorable things one of my bosses at Pepsi told me was that if you really care about somebody, you give them constructive feedback. And if you don’t care about somebody, you only say positive things. That’s stuck with me all this time. So I really try to make sure that I give people good, constructive feedback — positive first, of course, then constructive, and I give it in real time. It’s got to be in the moment. It’s got to be private.

Q. Tell me about your goals as a leader and manager.

A. I want to get better at taking more risk. My goal is to do one thing every day that kind of scares me or that’s kind of hard. Today, it’s being interviewed by you. I think that, to get better, you have to challenge yourself. You have to put some things out there that are hard for you personally.

Q. When did you develop this rule to do something risky every day?

A. Probably about 10 years ago, when I left PepsiCo. I moved out here to San Francisco, which is where I grew up. I made a lifestyle decision then that I was going to change some things up. I went to work at VeriSign, and then the downturn hit in 2000. Everyone needs to manage through a downturn. You learn a ton. It’s much harder than managing in good times.

I also decided to start taking some calculated risks and pushing the envelope as a way to run both my business and my personal life. I believe this leads to success and a really fun life adventure.

Your learning curve is so much steeper doing it that way, because calculated risk is really how we learn. And I think it’s a better leadership style because you’re growing, both as a person and, I think, as an executive.

Q. You mentioned all the things you learned in the downturn. Any other broad take-aways?

A. I reflected a lot on this when it came around this time, and I’ve talked a lot about this with fellow C.E.O.’s. So the first thing you learn is that it’s going to end. The sky is not falling. The sense of panic that starts to overtake people is overplayed.

So you chart a course, and you plot out kind of a worst-case, middle-case, best-case plan. You’re probably going to have to do some cost-cutting, and get that plan laid out, and then stay on strategy. This is your reality, and that’s how it is. The sky isn’t falling, and you have to show calm confidence every day. Your employees are watching your behavior.

Q. How do you manage your time?

A. I work out really early in the morning, and I use that time to kind of set my key priorities for the day — the two or three work things, the two or three personal things, and what are the key personal relationships that I want to make sure are set. That’s usually one of my top priorities — making sure that the team works well together. If I sense something’s off a little bit with the team, that’s usually one of the first things I zero in on.

When I come in, my first priority is to go through the to-do list before anybody’s here, and make sure that I’ve got a list on my desk of no more than 10 key things that I want to get done. I find if you have a to-do list of more than 10, it’s just not going to happen, and I pretty much stick to that list. I walk around a lot and if I see in people’s eyes that they need help, or if I get a sense that something’s up, I drop things because sometimes people just need help.

Q. And you’ll sense that just by the look in their eyes?

A. Absolutely, or I can hear it in their voice. I can hear it in their voice, and I think that’s really important that you have sense for your people. I call it my Spidey-sense. My 13-year-old daughter does not like this, by the way. It’s the same Spidey-sense I have with my kids. If something’s off, something’s off, and if I get a sense something’s off, I drop everything and I will not let go until I know what it is because it’s a sign there’s a problem.

Q. So how do you broach it?

A. Well, my people know me well enough. They know I’ll come in, I’ll close the door, and I’ll just say, “O.K., spill it.” There’s no warm-up for me. They know I will not leave. I want to help. I always say to them: “Look, guys we’re in this together. We’re a team.”

Q. Are you a gadget person? BlackBerry, iPhone?

A. Both. The iPhone I love for the apps. Then the BlackBerry I use for my work stuff.

Q. How do you deal with the constant pull of the BlackBerry?

A. One thing I love about having three kids is, it’s all about them. So when you’re with them, they only want to talk about them. They’re very sports-oriented, so we spend a lot of time on sports. They keep me from being too overly focused on the BlackBerry because they will take it away.

Q. What career advice will you give your kids?

A. I interview a ton of people and I get really frustrated with interviews, to be honest, because I find that people come in a lot of times and they don’t even know that much about the company, which I find just really odd.

I went to business school, and I decided I wanted a PepsiCo internship. They were only taking one intern, so my shot at getting this Pepsi internship was slim to none, because I had no experience.

But I decided I wanted this internship and what I did was — I think about this all the time when I interview people, sort of, why don’t they do this to me? — I researched all the people coming to campus to interview. I knew everything about them. I knew everything about Pepsi-Cola and the PepsiCo company. I knew everybody in the U.C.L.A. recruiting office and I wrote the story of myself as a brand and I came up with a whole talk about why Pepsi should hire me, and the assets I could bring.

I had called up the two or three people who had been Pepsi interns from other campuses, and I found out every single thing that they had done as interns. So I had done all that work before I took this interview. I was one of the four people they took back to New York for an interview, and I got this internship. I was probably also incredibly annoying, but I certainly was superqualified.

And what I would say to my kids is, to get the job you need two things. You need the functional skills, but then you also have to be superprepared, and you have to have incredible passion. You have to make that person want to hire you. They have to have a reason to hire you. There’s no excuse why you can’t have that.

I’m just really surprised by some of the people I interview. A few people, when I say “FRS,” they say, “I haven’t tried the product.” If they say that, the interview is over.

via The New York Times “Business”

You’re The Boss

I chanced upon a New York Times “Small Business” blog post, and could so totally relate to the writer Jay Goltz’s experiences:

“Starting a new business can be intoxicating. As with anything intoxicating, moderation is key. There are prices to pay.”

“…here are some words that I believe describe many successful entrepreneurs: independent, intense, strong-willed, obsessive, competitive, intolerant, thrill-seeking, adventurous, visionary, crazy, self-absorbed. With short attention spans. Perhaps some of these characteristics are necessary to be successful.”

“Everyone talks about balance. There is no balance. Balance is perfect. There is nothing perfect in work/life balance. It is about compromise, choices and, often, regret.”

“Here is the irony of ambition: The same ambition that drives people to be successful won’t let them enjoy being successful.”

“It is normal and necessary for an entrepreneur to wear 10 different hats in the course of an hour. But it can make your head hurt.”

“I have learned that bad things can happen in your life. I don’t ever want to be in a position that I can’t take some time off to deal with whatever comes up. I guess I’m trying to approach normality.”

I’m reading this article at a point in time when I feel like I’m losing the normality grip. Work and being boss has overtaken other aspects of my life. It is not by choice, because I am a strong advocator of work-life balance. Unfortunately of late, I have become guilty of NOT balancing my work and my life.

How am I able to do that, when I work 14-16 hour work days? I put on many different hats in a day. Every day at work is a crisis day. I’ve learnt that crisis comes in different shapes and sizes. And because I’m the boss, the buck stops with me. I have to solve them. I have to have solutions for everything that is before me.

There are days when it’s worth it. I’ll look at my staff and their hard work and talent, and feel comforted that it is all worth it. I believe in building a team, in creating a collaborative team who can tap on each other’s strengths and not tear each other down. Some days, it looks that way.

Then there are days when it’s not worth it at all. When my staff comes up with lame excuses for work not done; when clients state their dissatisfaction with our work and I could not defend the team because I know the fault lies with our work; when I know the “shit-stirrers” amongst the lot is stirring shit again. On these days, I feel like a fool for putting in to much energy and time in the business.

Like Jay, I’m starting to realise I’m different from most of the people I know. My perspective of “work” is so different from my peers. The only one who can understand what I’m going through is my mentor, a 50-year old PR veteran who has been running her own shop for more than 25 years. Her stoicity and her strong will is an inspiration that keeps me going, because I know it is possible to have sanity in the midst of everyday crisis.

Yet I am still struggling to find the balance and the normality. A friend passed away in March this year, and I only found out in May. I cried the whole night about it and was a total wreck emotionally. The next morning, I put on my “boss” hat, and went to work as I normally did. There was no time to grieve, and no space to internalise the loss. Being boss comes first. My staff have problems that need me to solve, my clients have business problems that need us to handle, and HQ needs our business reports to be submitted. There are people to hire, prospects to pitch to, matters to manage. My grief just have to wait.

Six months have passed since then. Today as I read Jay’s blog, I cannot help but remember my friend who passed away. Sadness creeps in. The feeling of loss tightens my chest. I have tears but I cannot cry.

Then I realised… has being boss hindered me from being human?

Everyday, I handle everyone’s crisis, except my own. Where then is my point of balance and normality? Or, is that going to be the price that I pay for being boss?

I like it that Jay is approaching normality. Perhaps I can too.

Goddess Returning

I have not been posting for nearly several months now.

It is not that I have not been without thoughts or emotions during this time. Quite the contrary. It is that I have been so overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions, yet I have so little time for myself, and I find myself yearning to sit in front of my laptop to blog, but most of the time I am spent on my bed, resting from exhaustion.

The past months have been spent recuperating from my surgery in late May. I was diagnosed with endometrosis in early May, and my doctor recommended that I have a surgery as soon as I can since we are trying for a baby. I checked my calendar and cleared my schedules for the surgery in late May.

Immediately after my surgery, the crazy work schedules piled back. Within a month of my surgery, I had organized our new office move and set up and did two business trips. What followed on was a back-to-back continuation of that same madness, and I never did rested.

The little energy I had boosted form mutliple Starbucks, I spent it completely at work. 15-hour work days are not uncommon, since I work very closely with the US (East Coast, thankfully!) offices, and there are often conference calls and meetings that has to be conducted late at night and early in the morning.

What compromised was my own personal space here in the virtual world. It became a void for five months.

I never thought that my virtual musings will bring me so much comfort. Nor did I realise that it anchored my well-being. But now I know.

Who is to say that blogging is merely navel-gazing?

I miss the communal sense of conversing, and the ability to know that I can bare my soul to a vast world out there. A vast world where my intense life experiences is but a small drop in a big ocean. There is a surreal sense of belonging, virtually.

I feel the Goddess in me returning.

Work continues to be hectic. My health continues to need recuperating. Time continues to be scarce. But I sense the old me returning as I transfer my thoughts from the mind space to the digital space.

Goddess signing, out.

Airport delays: the ironic un-stress

I had just spent nearly three weeks in the US. I was here for a work trip to NYC for one week. Then extended another ten days for a vacation. I spent one week in NY then another few days in Miami.

Sounds like a fabulous summer?

Not.

Throughout the ten days of my vacation, I was constantly bogged down by work. Though in the US, and thankfully (or not!) Eastern Time, I was working to Asia timezone. When I was ready to unwind, to enjoy my dinner and rest up, it’d be working hours in Asia. Urgent phonecalls and work emails will start ebbing in. I’d be working on my laptop or BlackBerry for hours before I can end my day. When it’s morning here, I’d be starting my day by checking emails and responding to work requests again. Every time I am in the line, waiting for the subway, or waiting for a dinner table, I’d be Blackberrying.

As you can imagine, my poor hubby was kinda having the vacation with an absent wife.

Ironically, I could only enjoy a brain rest when my flight was delayed by a looming severe thunderstorm here in NY. Yesterday, I was due back from Miami to JKF, then catch a connecting flight out of JFK for Singapore. The Miami-JKF flight was delayed by 3 hours at the airport, and then we spent another hour on the tarmac waiting for clearance to take off.

I’d admit that it was stressful seeing the hours tick tock away, knowing that I have a connecting flight to catch in NY. Yet, it was those precious few hours that I could literally empty my brain and not worry about incoming work emails.

Ironically, when we frantically found a hotel to rest in for the night, it was the one night out of the entire trip that I could truly truly just r..e..s..t…

Some people need the beach to unwind. Some the Bliss spa. Others a good retail therapy. Today, I found a new one: airport delays. Ironically.

Bus Ad copy blunder

Warner Brothers Bus Ad

“2 Great Movies 1 Low Prices”

Fantastic deal! Really? Look again.

Hmmmm… looks like someone forgot to copy edit the bus ad before it goes into production.

The copywriter from the ad agency is going to get fired for writing bad copy.

The suit from the ad agency is going to get slapped for not copy checking.

The client who signed off the FA is also going to get slapped for signing off the FA with bad copy.

The bus ad media sales rep probably won’t be affected, but it definitely shows that he/she didn’t bother to check.

You have the bus trooping around prime bus route (the Orchard Road route) with the copy blunder. It doesn’t matter how good the DVD deal is, I ain’t buying. I’m too busy laughing.

The Scene Nail Suite

I love a good mani and pedicure session. To me, that is a luxury because:

1. I don’t have much time to spend, so I like my hours spent on mani and pedicure to be well worth it. That means, give me good service and get me out of there in the minimum time required. I’m not looking to camp at the nail spa. I have other things to do.

2. I generally do not like spending time on nothing. “Nothing” in my universe means not constructive to my work, or my client’s business, or my well-being. Even if it’s just mani and pedicure, I’d like to think that the time spent contributes to at least one of the above.

3. Whether or not my nails are colored does not affect the way I work. Hence, it’s a good-to-have, not a must-have. Whether or not I go for a mani/pedicure session is totally dependent on whether I can afford the time, so when I do turn up for one I expect it to be worth it.

Many years ago, I attempted a regular mani/pedicure routine. This was in preparation for my wedding, so I’d invest the time. Much to my dismay, the skills of the manicurist was terrible – my cuticles were cut and bleeding, all ten of them. And they took forever to get my nail colors done. Worse, after the mani/pedicure my hands were deemed useless because there are so many things I cannot do, else I’d risk marring the nail coloring that the girls just spent hours (???) doing. A simple task such as reaching for my mobile phone in my bag and picking up the call was enough to ruin the nails.

I honestly did not enjoy the experience, and did not see the sense in wasting my time on such vanity. Based on my ad hoc manicure experience, I had concluded that “manicure + pedicure = at least 2 hours wasted”.

Until I stumbled upon The Scene Nail Suite. This was in February, and I was roaming around town trying to fill my time. I thoroughly enjoyed the session because the manicurists were very sensitive, and could tell that I was in a rush and very mindful of my time spent there. Within 45 minutes, they scrubbed and clipped and filed and colored, and I was out of there in a jiffy. In perfect time for my next appointment.

I LOVED their efficiency. And, I loved it that none of my cuticles bled.

I’ve been meaning to revisit the salon, but honestly I had no time. In between work deadlines, client functions, personal errands and recuperation from my surgery, it was simply impossible to fork out one hour in the past four months for this vanity session.

Until today.

I am happy to say I still enjoyed my mani and pedicure session. The nailists were still friendly, still skillful and still very time-efficient. I was out of the nail suite within an hour, and happy with the “Number 25″ O.P.I. nail color that now crowns my finger and toe nails. Whooo hoo!

If you’re looking for a reliable nail salon to pamper yourself, check out The Scene Nail Suite. There is no website, but they are a new outlet set up by The Scene Hairstyling Salon. The Scene was previously known more for their hairstyling, but now I’d say they have a new feather in the cap.

One catch: the manicurists both speak Mandarin because they are from China, but if language is not an issue with you, I’d say go for it! Both girls are fantastic with their skills and do a really great job. All you have to do is choose your nail colour, and they’d do the rest.

The Scene Nail Suite

Address: Unit 03-33/34, Wisma Atria (directly across from Starbucks)

Telephone: 6735 8323

Walk in Fridge, the Heineken way

This is my current favourite advertisement. I laughed out loud the first time I caught it. And I still chuckle every time I see it. Here in Singapore, it gets a lot of air time. I can catch it twice in a row while switching channels on cable! Yet, I’m not turned off by it.

It’s a really good ad. One of the rare times I approve of the use of gender stereotype. Well, in this case it was tastefully done.

I am also a huge Sex and The City fan. So if this ad had in any way belittled the original SATC spirit, I’d have been cheesed out. But it truly is a good piece of work.

Did you catch the moment where the boys were in tears, overwhelmed by the sight of the Heineken walk in fridge? Particularly 24th second into the ad, where one of the boys broke into tears.

Absolutely Heineken-ing hilarious.

T-Two

I have spent several days with my two-year-old niece, Abby. It was the one major bonus out of my very-painful keyhole surgery recovery.

I don’t understand why they call it the “Terrible Two”. Well, I can understand that keeping up with their energy bursts is quite terrible. But apart from that, I’d say they should reframe it as the “Terrific Two”!

When Abby was a little baby, she was already very interactive in nature. Limited by language, she was already expressing herself with a wide variety of baby expressions: Laugh/ chuckle/ smile are but three simple variants for the expression of happiness.

Now that she’s two, and picking up human words in a fast and fury way, she has found a new ante of interaction.

It’s true that two-year-olds are like little balls of energy. They’re all like Dash (Fantastic Four). I see Abby zooming in between 10 different toy stations, with ease like I would with 10 different pairs of shoes. She can differentiate between the various focus of each station (and mind you, SHE created the different stations by laying out her toys across the room!) and she can interact accordingly. All by herself. Barney the plush toy, or Bear or Baby Bop or Doll will often be her accomplice.

1. Abby cooks with her pots and pans. There’s egg, and fish, and bread. “Yum….”

2. Abby ploughs into her storybooks and reads out all the pictures she understands. “Happy” “Sleepy” “Smile”.

3. Abby aims the ball at the bowling pins in her bowling alley. “Ball!”

4. Abby hurls out different balls from her ball basket and kicks only the football. “Kick!”

5. Abby fits the sizes and colours of her stack-up toy, then unstack them.

6. Abby sings to the musical bus when a familiar tune comes up. “The wheel on the bus goes round and round…”

7. Abby dances with her pink ribbon, to an imaginative dance tune in her head.

8. Abby strums at her baby guitar.

9. Abby pushes her baby doll’s pram pretending to go off to the market. “Bye. See you!”

10. Abby runs to my mom for a “Hi-Five”.

Then the whole cycle repeats again.

Unceasingly.

Except when she pauses to catch her breathe. Or stretch a yawn.

I love listening to all the different little words that come spluttering out of her. It’s like there are a barrage of thoughts and logic maps drawn up in that precious little brain. But all that can come out of her language bank now is but two words. And those two words are the only tiny glimpse I can have to the wonderfully vast world of a two-year-old.

Oh… two-year-olds. Aren’t they simply terrific!

My two-year-old niece, Abby, giving me a mischevious grin. Behind her are the well-kept toys that form her widespread toy stations.

Jon & Kate: Twisted Fate

I’ve always been a fan of the Gosselins. Their eight children brings me a lot of laughs and joy, and I love to see how Kate organizes her life around her children. Makes me think it is possible to have kids and not let life fall apart.

So when I first saw on E! News about Jon’s secret affair with the schoolteacher, it unfazed me.

“Nah…. that will just be a rumour. They’re going strong,” I thought.

I truly romantised the idea that if any couple can survive the stress of a bringing up eight children lugged with an equally large production crew, then they can survive any tests to the marriage.

But of course, I have forgotten that any marriage undergoes stress and pressure. What more with eight children? What more with the whole world watching your every move?

When I caught the E! special “Jon & Kate: Twisted Fate”, I had to keep reminding myself that this is entertainment business in its truest form. The public need for entertainment built up a perfectly normal family into an internationally known celebrity group; and the same public need for tabloids is also tearing them down as they are going through a valley.

Of course I feel empathy for Jon & Kate. They have to air their dirty laundry in public, fight their personal struggles in the public eye of international lens, and have the news report on their every word.

How do you make amends with the whole world watching?

How can you be true to yourself and your spouse when every other TV viewer out there thinks they have a right to comment?

How are you able to face the root of the issue – whatever it is – in an honest way, and bare your soul to your spouse, and weather the storm together when the whole world is ready to jump on any tiny raindrop and make it into a tornado?

How do you deal with a private issue privately, when you’ve sold your life to the TV station? Don’t matter that some privacy is exactly what you need right now. Entertainment comes first.

I’m in my thirties now, married for seven years. All these years I have seen many of my friends find their soulmates, get married and start a family. Many of them remain happy – not without their challenges – but still happy with their marriages. Many others go through the valley, ironed out the problems and survived the valley as  stronger couples.  Yet, there were also a whole lot who went through the valley, and could not make it out as one.

And for valid reasons.

I have found, from personal experience, that there is no right or wrong to be judged. Every marriage goes through its own challenges. What applies for you doesn’t apply for another. Friends need their space to recuperate from their personal traumas. When a marriage cracks, it hurts the couple involved because the universe they have built around themselves no longer exists. During these times, what they need a safety zone where they can come and nurse their wounds, rebuild their perspective of the world and come to terms with the new world they now have to build.

Not finger-pointing, nor self-righteous judgements on the decisions they’ve made. No one can truly know the intensity of the issue except for the two of them.

“Jon and Kate Gosselin have an announcement.” Those are the words that appear on the screen in a new TLC promo for a one-hour Jon & Kate Plus Eight special episode, airing Monday (9 p.m. ET). Whatever the announcement is, I just wish them all the best.

Jon and Kate, I hope the world will give you the space that you need to deal with whatever you have to deal with. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Whatever decision you make is yours to make. I wish you both the very best…

A friend in need is a friend indeed

It hasn’t been the best of weeks. True that I’ve been running on fumes. Trying to cope with an extremely punishing schedule, hectic deadlines and a bad bout of health problems.

What kept me going? Love, and lots of it.

When we were young, we used to say this: A friend in need is a friend indeed. Cheesy as it sounds now, it is true.

My dear friend Serene, who lives halfway around the world from me in the US, sensed my need for a mood uplifter, and she sent me a beautiful Hallmark e-card to do just that:

A simple note, but it did wonders. It worked like the potion of “courage” for the Cowardly Lion (Wizard of Oz). It brought my soul from the lowly pits to a good place where I can be strong. It reminded me that I am not alone in my struggles, and that I am supported by loving friends no matter how near or how far they are.

It brought warm tears to my eyes as I read her card at work. I felt her love, know that she cares, and was assured that the burden I feel is but temporary.

Girlfriends are the best gift from heaven!